Description
This is the peer review for the essay.undefinedA. What is the main argument (thesis statement) of this paper? Is it clear from the introduction paragraph what this essay will cover? What do you think about their thesis? Is it compelling and why or why not?undefinedThe thesis of this essay is a bit unclear to me based on the first paragraph, but from what I can tell the essay discusses how gender and class was portrayed in the shows I Love Lucy and Two and a Half Men. Based on the prompt I’m not sure what you’re going for in terms of creative endeavors, cultural artifacts, etc. besides social instruction. Perhaps be more specific and direct on what you’ll be focusing on when discussing the shows in the first paragraph!I can tell from later into the essay it is about women’s oppression and socioeconomic struggle, and it would be more compelling if it were just a bit more specific! I recall Edward say that you should analyze a specific episode from each show, and I agree with that! I like the summary of the characters and what they learn through the show, but a specific scene that really highlights Lucy and the women in Two and a Half Men and their oppression shown through the show would really strengthen your essay.Additionally, I think it would be better if you compared the two shows, and highlighted what made women / social classes different in their eras. As we’ve learned, women have gone through much change since the advent of television, and having a paragraph or two about the evolution of women’s oppression would really drive home the purpose of this essay.undefinedB. Which parts of the draft are the most clear to you? What are most vague? undefinedI actually really enjoyed the parts where you go into specifics of how women are treated in their respective shows. Even though its not explicitly stated they’re from an episode, anthologistically they help understand the kind of message the show put out. In that same vein however, it isn’t specific enough that I get a strong sense of what they go through. As I mentioned before, any episode from both shows would help!
C. Does the paper answer all parts of the required prompt? Which part(s) can be more elaborated?undefinedThe introduction reads vaguely, and from that introduction alone I don’t think I would’ve understood that it would be about women’s oppression and socioeconomic struggle. A more direct thesis that gets straight to the point would help grab the audience’s attention to the essay. I think the general purpose overall was missed in specificity, so just work on the details and it’d be a solid essay!You may also want to specify a critical lens! Based on a quick Google search yours might fall under a feminist and/or a Marxist one, but I’d get back with Edward on that one.I actually like this structure of your essay, but like I mentioned earlier, a paragraph to tie the eras together would make for a satisfying ending.And of course, I’m sure its the case for everyone, but don’t forget to get resources! Perhaps about the Two and a Half Men show, as that does seem to have strong implications on women.undefined THE BASICS – check or mark what is present in the current draft. x Includes short synopsis or descriptions introducing the two shows to the reader.? Discusses television shows as (2) constructs and makes an argument using (1) critical frame.❏ Refers to specific moments in episodes to illustrate the main point (textual analysis).❏ Utilizes 6 sources (4 academic sources).undefinedE. Comment on writing style or organization: What is done well and what are your suggestions for improvement?Additional comments, concerns, praises?Overall, it’s a good job! Just get the specifics in, and get that intro cleaned up!Sorry if it looks a bit odd! I hope it gets the point across! Good luck!!
Tags:
Peer Review
Two and a Half Men
The TV Shows Analysis
social instruction
Bautista Urrego
Parra Toro
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